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castieltherebel:

good thing he’s buying pampers cause he just shat his pants
joydick:

these are seriously my favorite pictures ever

retroactiveeurydices:

oxheadandhorsefacearedead:

retroactiveeurydices:

koalatea:

i dont need a boyfriend i need 12 million dollars and a donut 

12 million dollars can be used to obtain many donuts.

explain how

money can be exchanged for goods and services

(via tell-mebitch)


partybarackisinthehousetonight:

mark, my words. *mark brings me my dictionary* thank you mark

(via tell-mebitch)


mcrenttogether:

mcrenttogether:

mcrenttogether:

what did baby corn say to mummy corn???

where’s popcorn

someone unfollowed me because of this joke i guess they found it too corny

(Source: realityau, via tell-mebitch)


aka-steph:

panier:

misschloejane:

attackoftheswag:

Marine pretending to cheat off a 4th graders math exam. - Phillippines

This is kind of adorable.

this deserves every single note and then more.

this touches me the most because i’m in a military family..too cute <3

life-gets-bad-sometimes:

qonorrhea:

text posts are like children
you delete the ones that dont succeed

what

(Source: michaxl, via tell-mebitch)


snazziest:

people who dont flush the toilet must be eliminated

(via hate)


It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the front door so hard behind him I swear to god it shook the whole house. For the next 3 years I watched my mother break her teeth on vodka bottles. I think she stopped breathing when he left. I think part of her died. I think he took her heart with him when he walked out. Her chest is empty, just a shattered mess or cracked ribs and depression pills.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s all the blood in the sink. It’s the night that I spent 12 hours in the emergency room waiting to see if my sister was going to be okay, after the boy she loved, told her he didn’t love her anymore. It’s the crying, and the fluorescent lights, and white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the time that I had to stay up for two days straight with my best friend while she cried and shrieked and threw up on my bedroom floor because her boyfriend fucked his ex. I swear to god she still has tear streaks stained onto her cheeks. I think when you love someone, it never really goes away.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the six weeks we had a substitute in English because our teacher was getting divorced and couldn’t handle getting out of bed. When she came back was smiling. But her hands shook so hard when she held her coffee, you could see that something was broken inside. And sometimes when things break, you can’t fix them. Nothing ever goes back to how it was. I got an A in English that year. I think her head was always spinning too hard to read any essays.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s that I do.

It’s not that I don’t love you.  (via extrasad)

(via dontkeepthingsbottledup)